Man Utd 1 - 2 Man City — The Man City supporters impeccably observed the minute of silence in honor of the victims of the ‘58 Munich air crash. Not to be outdone, the Man Utd supporters then impeccably observed ninety-four consecutive minutes of silence that lasted until the end of the match.
Derby 0 - [...]

Man City 1 - 3 Arsenal — If you can imagine this match as a symphony, and imagine that the harmonic range and expressiveness of the music were contained in the style and spirit of play, then you will know what I mean when I picture the concert-mistress in her black dress, striding out before [...]

Portsmouth 3 - 1 Derby — Portsmouth’s Benjani Mwaruwari now has two hat-tricks against Premier League teams this season. Combining all Derby’s players into one superhuman aggregate for the purpose of comparing statistics, the best they’ve managed is a brace against Sheffield Wednesday.
Fulham 0 - 3 Arsenal — Adebayor scored two in this game, [...]

Middlesbrough 1 - 1 Liverpool — Liverpool are the Big Fourth.
Sunderland 2 - 0 Portsmouth — This is why Harry Redknapp is the best manager in England. You take his attention away from his team for one second, and suddenly Kieran Richardson is racing around like Pele. The power of this man is incredible.
Bolton [...]

Arsenal 1 - 0 Chelsea — What a match! It had drama, it had desperation, it had wild attacking play, it even had one of those weird little off-balance tugging matches that passes for fighting in this rivalry. It’s the next logical step in the diving epidemic—players now feel like they’ve struck a [...]

Middlesbrough 2 - 1 Arsenal — It’s hard to say what Arsenal missed more in this match, Cesc Fabregas or the goalmouth. Based on the number of free kicks that went skewing off to Jupiter, I’m going to say it was both.
Blackburn 0 - 1 West Ham — “An animated Mark Hughes” watched [...]

Chelsea 1 - 0 West Ham — Had you told me, when I was fifteen, that I would one day wake up to a headline reading “Police Investigating Drogba Laser Incident,” I would have eagerly looked forward to a war with a race of insectlike alien predators. I would not have imagined a soccer [...]

Fulham 2 - 2 Blackburn — The hot stat of the week is that if you counted only the first halves of matches, Fulham would be first in the league. What no one’s pointed out is that if you counted only the second halves of matches, they would be dead behind a Superquinn in Leinster.
Bolton [...]

Birmingham 1 - 2 Aston Villa — In more sad news for Birmingham, Carson Yeung was soundly beaten by Randy Lerner in an impromptu Chinese vocabulary quiz in the Balti pie queue at halftime.
Bolton 0 - 0 Middlesbrough — There’s going to come a time when drawing every game stops seeming inspirational from Bolton and [...]

Arsenal 2 - 2 Manchester United — There ought to be a term in football to describe what happens when a player scores for both teams in a match. Can we call it “completing the Gallas”? Or are there already too many things that phrase could mean?
Fulham 3 - 1 Reading — Apparently this match [...]