The President of Napoli Has Examined the Genitalia of Englishwomen, and He Is Not Impressed

I like thinking about all the ways Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentiis could have tried to persuade his young stars to stay at the club rather than jumping to England during the January transfer window. He could have talked about the proud tradition of the club of Maradona. He could have mentioned the exhilaration of playing for a young team on the rise, limited only by its own imagination. Alternately, he could have launched an unprovoked assault on the genital hygeine of Englishwomen.

Guess which strategy he chose?

If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.

So listen up, Ezequiel Lavezzi. Marek Hamšík, eyes front, if you please. If you boys want to play for Chelsea, play for Chelsea—who’s stopping you? Just be sure you go in with your eyes open, so to speak.

If you play for Chelsea, boys, you’re going to be around women. Women with genitalia. Unclean genitalia. It’s a fact! I’m just saying, that’s all! Why are you all looking at me like that? What? WHAT? STRUMPETS!

[via Dirty Tackle]