The Alex Ferguson Is Eating Spicy Foods Watch

I’m not sure if there’s a new curry place delivering to Old Trafford, or if he’s just feeling feisty after celebrating his 21st anniversary on the job, but Alex Ferguson is on a tear through the newspapers that’s flabbergasting even by his stratospheric standards. First we learn that the FA are investigating him over his unbelievable claims of referee bias in the Manchester United – Arsenal match last weekend. Then things really get interesting.

In the last 24 hours, Sir Alex has attacked agents, proposed concrete changes to the match substitutes system, kept the word “dossier” in the forefront of football news, and, in an obvious swipe at Arsenal, insinuated that foreign players are ruining the fabric of English football. (Foreign players like…Anderson, maybe?) Here are some of the highlights:

• He’s compiling a “security dossier” on conditions at the Emirates. (BBC)

• He’s arguing for fewer foreign players in the Premier League. (Guardian)

• He’s accusing rapacious agents of taking football’s maiden innocence. (Telegraph)

• He’s demanding to be allowed to bring seven substitutes to a match. (TEAMtalk)

• He’s saying his players should have to wash his car. (Telegraph)

I love Sir Alex Ferguson. The man has more ideas than FIFA! Plus, how many managers do you know who could initiate a dossier one minute and complain about coddled modern youth who longer have to paint the stands the next? He’s like the world’s grumpiest, most xenophobic secret agent. If James Bond lived to be 67 and became the greatest manager in the modern history of football, I think he’d be a lot like Alex Ferguson.