Three days ago, Portsmouth officially unveiled Peter Crouch as the newest member of their squad. I’m happy about this for any number of reasons—my new hobby is constructing little scenes around the logistical challenges of veiling him in the first place (Harry Redknapp: “You can still see his fffffucking knees, can’t you, Nigel? What’ve you [...]

He is riding on the back of an open-top bus, red-faced and matter-of-fact, clapping his hands for the crowd below. An FA Cup scarf is knotted thickly at his neck; a blue-and-white banner streams out behind his head, like the flag in Liberty Leading the People. The buntings on the bus railing come up nearly [...]

Portsmouth have beaten West Brom 1-0 to reach their first FA Cup final since 1939. I had planned to write a detailed match summary, but I think a minute-by-minute report might be a better way to relate the experience of watching football from a far-off country in this internet age…

Everything I like and everything I don’t like about Cristiano Ronaldo’s style of play can be seen in this riveting video, which tracks him up close throughout the Man Utd-Portsmouth game this week. He’s a little bit talented, in case you had any doubt. Oh, and his 2-0 free-kick, which Alex Ferguson called [...]

Harry Redknapp has been released on bail—as if a jail could hold Harry—and has spoken out about his run-in with Johnny Law this morning. He’s innocent, of course. But his defense goes beyond mere protestations of righteousness and into a realm of counter-intuitive logic so breathtaking that it would probably take 60 more police officers [...]

Harry Redknapp has been arrested “on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud and false accounting,” as part of an ongoing investigation into corruption in football, according to this report from the Evening Standard. Also arrested were Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storrie, Rangers midfielder Amdy Faye, prominent agent Willie McKay, and Leicester City chairman Milan Mandaric. If [...]

Harry Redknapp has signed a new contract at Portsmouth. I guess he isn’t too worried about those aircraft carriers, then.