The keeper has this odd habit—it could be strategic, it could be a mind-game—of setting himself up not in the middle of the goal mouth but to his left. Standing in this peculiarly off-centered position, he turns towards the gap he has created, readying himself to leap across. He seems to be daring me to strike the penalty hard enough and accurately enough to beat his spring towards the vast opening.
As eccentricities go, this one is rather unnerving. That gap is tempting indeed, especially since most penalty-takers prefer to swing hard and pull the ball, and I’m right-footed. He’s playing right to my strengths. But then this is an exceptionally athletic keeper; and he gives the appearance that he knows what he is doing. Maybe I should try wrong-footing him instead: approach the ball with my body angled so that it looks for all the world that I’m going to pull the ball into the lower left corner—and then at the last moment alter my leg swing, turn my right foot outward, and push the ball into the right corner.
I think about this perhaps too long. I take a short run-up—just a step or two—and lash the ball as hard as I can towards that temptingly big gap. The ball hits the post and rolls back onto the field of play. The keeper leaps forward to take it before I can even regain my balance.
But I think it would have beaten him, had it been a just few inches in. So what to do the next time?—for soon there will be another opportunity, this I know.
When the time comes, I am sure that I’m going to try the same shot, taking care to emphasize accuracy over pace. But then as I approach I think I see him move early: I make a last-second adjustment, opening my foot and trying an inside-out swing—and he somehow manages to stop his momentum, even as he’s launching his leap, and the ball thumps into his ribs. My hands fly up to cover my eyes, then slide slowly down my face to reveal my dismay.
Third time the charm? I pull it, hard, right into the gap—but he’s too quick. He leaps and snatches the ball in his mouth. Then he trots towards me wagging his tail, clearly wanting and expecting praise. “Who do you think you are, Lev Yashin?” I ask, irritably. But I scratch his chest anyway, and he drops his green plastic ball, his eyes half-closing in bliss.
This keeper, with whom I have had so many battles at the goal that separates my living room from my dining room, is Malcolm, my Shetland Sheepdog. Before Malcolm came along, I disliked penalty kicks and consequently lacked interest in them. They now fascinate me, and I have become the most exacting of judges. I just saw Ashley Young take and make a penalty against Blackburn: it was struck well-enough, I suppose, but his run-up was far too elaborate, and he didn’t get it that close to the corner—if Robinson had guessed right he very well might have been able to palm it away. And shouldn’t Robinson have suspected that Young was going to pull the ball? Doesn’t he almost always? Come on, man!
My experience with Malcolm should make me more generous. After all, don’t I know what it’s like to make a decision and then, inexplicably, alter it when it’s really too late, thereby ensuring a weak or inaccurate shot? Don’t I know what it’s like to second-guess myself? Haven’t I been rattled by some twitch or feint from the keeper? Haven’t I tried, unsuccessfully, to keep my eyes low enough that I can’t even see the damned keeper? My own pain should open my heart to the pain of others. But what has it done instead? It has made me a critic.
Read More: Penalties
by Alan Jacobs · March 1, 2011
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What? Why does taking pks with your dog make you lack empathy for pk takers? You spend a lot of time trying to mislead us with this cutesy “the keeper is really a dog” bit and then when you’ve got something to say it comes out of nowhere and gets no explanation. I had a tuna sandwich and now I understand why Rooney escaped punishment for that elbow. See how daft that is?
One August Saturday morning I was on the couch watching Bolton v Fulham, my dog laying there beside me. He’d lift his head occasionally, look at the screen and then over to me, pause briefly, and then lay his head back down.
At some point before half time he got up from the couch, walked towards the television in front of us, and barfed. He looked me in the eyes as I walked over to clean up the mess and then went right back to the couch.
Full time, 0-0 at the Reebok. My dog is the critic.
@Tonyto Yes. I do see how daft that is.
Lovely stuff, Alan. The penalty is a test of one’s psychological mettle, so much so that most players appear to have missed their kicks before they even touch the ball. Makes me appreciate a guy like Danny Murphy even more — the man’s woefully underrated in English soccer — because he just displays not one jot of nerve or panic when he steps up to the ball.
Compare to poor Gareth Southgate’s miss at Euro 1996. He didn’t even want to take the penalty — Paul Ince famously refused when asked to step up — and it showed. (I wish I could find a decent vid of the entire sequence).
Great little book by Andrew Anthony on PKs, pertaining in particular to England’s woes from the spot. Worth a read.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penalties-Yellow-Jersey-Shorts/dp/0224059947
@James T Makes me appreciate a guy like Danny Murphy even more.
Or, to plug back into Richard’s post yesterday, Matt Le Tissier, who only missed one penalty, in 49 attempts, in his whole career.
@James T Very good! Since Matt Le Tissier came up yesterday, it’s worth noting that he missed exactly ONE penalty kick his entire career.
Also, did anyone see Ibra’s PK in yesterday’s match? I think that’s the hardest-struck PK I have ever seen. Would have torn the keeper’s arm off if he had gotten to it.
@Brian Phillips Dammit! You got there, like, 30 seconds before me.
@Brian Phillips Yes! Le Tiss! He was my hero growing up though his goals killed LFC plenty of times. I also recall the same story about the legendary Antonin Panenka. Think his PK record was equally stellar, though a lot harder to prove.
I mean, c’mon, the guy did this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SgQxhjWwWY
@James T Book ordered, by the way.
@James T I still think this is the definitive piece on the Panenka penalty.
Don’t forget Burnley’s Graham Alexander and his 77 of 83 penalties converted. One of the most confident penalty approaches I’ve ever seen. If three strides toward a ball that one then kicks can be made to symbolize self-belief, he’s done it.
@Brian Phillips Shit, missed that post.
/commits hari-kiri
I have a Sheltie, and if I’m not careful, she can take the (tennis) ball off my foot on the dribble. Put a nasty scratch on our TV attacking the Mexican National Team one time, too.
She’s a good dog.
@Will Even Fernando Torres struggles against a dog.
You know, I wanted this to be about dogs. But you people are all too reasonable.
@Tim To me, it’s all about dogs. Even enemies of the Mexican national team and practitioners of critique-by-vomit. Or especially those.
No mention of Yasuhito Endō’s KOROKORO Penalties? Just nonchalantly strolls up to the spot, waits for the keeper’s weight to shift, then slides it into the opposite corner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqpJJTeBb2Q
@Calvin I love the soundtrack on that video, too.
Don’t forget the Ezequiel Calvente PK for the Spain U19s recently.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_d8enQF-sM
Yasuhito is my hero.
@Shann He’s amazing. But then, you could also argue that he never tested himself at the highest level of competition, by which I mean against an Irish Setter.
I’ve only seen Zidane do it, but I have huge respect for the ones who’s eyes never leave the ball fom start to finish
Although my comments are constantly being needlessly removed, I hope no one takes offense to the suggestion that one might look to Osvaldo Soriano’s “The Longest Penalty” and Gay Talese’s “Penalty Phase” for a an interesting and extended look at the mind-numbing psychology of the pk (though I’ve been censored, and called “stupid” by the moderator for less here). These two pieces extend beyond the pitch, for years in the case of “Penalty Phase,” in a way that encapsulates the horrifying and heart-stopping flow of time during shoot outs. More interestingly perhaps is the way that time for some (e.g. Liu Ying) never seems to return to its pre-shoot out flow as they are suspended in their moment of error or bad luck long after the game, stuck in a continual shoot out time stoppage (stoppage time?).
SOCCERNOMICS also has interesting take on the ’08 CL final penalties that tries to make the argument for a utilitarian statistical approach that brings to mind “Ben Foster’s ipod” (my new indie band).
@Alan Jacobs I think that’s the hardest-struck PK I have ever seen
Julian dicks really hit penalties – particuarly of note is the one against Schmiechel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAVLpl88Bpw
@Jim Graham Alexander was astounding form the spot. I still remember last season where he took a directly straight run-up and blasted the ball to the righthand corner with the outside of his boot (and did it twice even!). Don’t think I’ve seen anyone take it like him.
If on a penalty I can just put the ball down back up and take my shot I almost always score because I dont second guess my self. However if the keeper is off his line, or people arent getting out of the box, or people are arguing about the call, or numerous other factors that could slow down the taking of a penalty, I struggle with picking a shot and end up taking an awful penalty. It’s all about time, try to take it as quickly as feels right and you’ll avoid penalty gitters.
@Cole
You are in the right here. The only way to out think yourself is to not think. If you are taking a penalty, then you should be able to make it. My wife says “i could score from there”
I agree, if she didn’t care as much about footy( standing in front of thousands) as she doesn’t care now, then there would be no pressure. Take it quick, save the guessing for hindsight.
Also
back in the day when i stroked the blades with my cut up style(arguable)
I had a mate on my squad who ran from midfield full sprint and booted it as hard as possible. It was unstoppable. 1 for 1 I believe
Hilarious! Dogs are awesome, and we are merely their pets!
Nice article! 🙂 Penalty takers are absolutely nerve wrecking, although I thought most keepers position themselves exactly in the middle
YEah it is true! even those are enjoy the match become also very anxious!
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