With Apologies to Ogden Nash
A is for Alves
Angry and great;
Even a rainbow
Could fill him with hate.
B is for Bojan,
The next down the tube;
Less than a factory,
But més que un club.
C is for Canales,
The prince of the ball!
This year he’s Racing,
Next year it’s Real.
D is for Davids,
Both Villa and Sil’;
The EPL sharks
Moving in for the kill.
E is for Eto’o,
Replaced with a Libra;
That stork-looking Swede
Known only as “Ibra.”
F is for Fabiano,
The Barber of Seville,
Un Chien Andalou,
The Boy from Brazil.
G is for Guti,
Still playing with pizazz.
Are those his kids’ names,
Or a cheeseburger he haz?
H is for Higuain,
A goal guarantee—
Think Barça’d take him
For that fellow Henry?
I is for Iker,
Or little Iniesta;
With either in form,
The other ten get siesta.
J is for Joaquin,
Than whom there’s none fancier;
Once for Betis,
But now in Valencia.
K is for Kun,
With his vibrant young glow,
Helping Oso forget
A certain “Niño.”
L is for Leo,
The lion he roars!
On trips to Madrid,
A merengue he gores.
M is for Marcos
Senna stopping the fun;
After all of that beauty,
One tackle, it’s done.
N is for Navas,
Jesús at his best.
Make him leave home,
And now he’s depressed.
O is for Ole,
The cry of the land!
Whether Barça or Numancia,
They do all play grand.
P is for Puyol,
Carles, if you please;
To unlock his defense,
His hair holds the keys.
Q is for Don Quixote,
More recently Pep;
Two years of service
Without one misstep.
R is for Rossi,
Italian divine;
Say the name to los Yanquis,
And they start to whine.
S is for Sergio,
Sometime defender;
When the linesman saw him coming,
He yelled, “I surrender.”
T is for Touré
Côte d’Ivoire goes gaga;
Only Kolo knows the secrets
Of the brotherhood of Yaya.
U is for úl—
The English say “Rowl”;
Spain’s top all-time marksman,
Always on the prowl.
V is for Valerón,
Pinpoint perfect passes;
You couldn’t care less
That he’s slow as molasses.
W is for Woodgate,
And what he endured.
Two seasons, nine games,
And still he’s injured.
X is for Xavi,
How could I resist?
Two blindfolds, one leg,
And another assist.
Y is for Yeste,
Bilbao, the lonely Basque;
No, they’re not xenophobic,
Why do you ask?
Z is for Zenith,
The conclusion foregone;
The best of the bunch;
His name is Zidane.
Read More: La Liga, Middlebrow Avant-Garde Poetry
by Sean Rubio · April 16, 2010
If you had written nothing but the verse for the letter I, you would have had my respect. But you wrote all the others! Including ‘U’! The respect is now *endless.*
@roswitha is right about the I verse. If I had time right now to include a link that went to a site that automatically started playing the sound of clapping, I’d put it right here.
H, M and N are just perfect, too. Thanks for this.
Brilliant !
And I am glad V found Valeron.
http://www.hivenet.is/rex/spurs/applause.gif
The drawing is ace as well.
Absolutely brilliant! Took me a second to get “U” but this is extremely clever.
This is fantastic. I particularly enjoyed I and Q.
Nice one on G. Can Guti haz cheeseburger?
X was especially brilliant…
Definitely laughed out loud at the Navas
I love those Players Cigarettes cards. Who put them up and where on earth do you find these outstanding images?
@Gregor I downloaded these ages ago, I’m not sure where from. There’s a great history of football cigarette cards here. “Arnold Bennett once remarked that ‘some boys will grow up with cigarette cards as their sole education.’”
Veron & Xavi’s were my personal favourites.
Although they are all brilliant, I think my favourite part of the entire exercise is the fact that Line-Up for Today rhymes with The Run of Play
@Martin lol yes the X is the best
Absolutely brilliant. The N for Navas one is my favorite (obviously being a Sevillista and all)
“C” is good, but “F” approaches brilliance. Weaving the city with the region with the player, using artistic analogies, and having each line express an aspect of Fabiano’s skill? Wonderful.
I liked this.
Zizou is and always will be the beginning and the end of central midfield- integral to the best two leg matches ever played, M.U. v. Real Madrid 2002-2003