I‘m a fan of the way the Guardian illustrates the theme of its Liverpool preview today by showing Rafa Benítez confusedly stepping out into a terrifying bright light, like Gollum.

I’ve always imagined Manchester United’s shadow as a dank, cavelike place where one survives by eating live fish and hiding from goblins. I just hope this doesn’t mean he’s going to follow Xabi Alonso to the ends of the earth, or eventually throw him into a volcano. Then again, whatever it takes, I guess.