It’s like The Longest Yard of soccer movies meets the Cool Hand Luke of idiots. Why did no one tell me this was happening?
Here’s the plot summary from Wikipedia:
Dave, along with other members of the GSE, are arrested for participating in the fight at the end of the first film, and end up being sent to a tough prison. In prison, the GSE quickly discover the brutality of life on the inside, as they are constant targets of the superior numbered and better-financed Millwall crew. When the GSE’s supported team West Ham United F.C. undertake a match against the Millwall Bushwhackers‘ supported team, Millwall F.C., the stakes rise higher then ever before.
I know what you’re thinking: Millwall, better financed? But look, there are some things you just have to accept in the name of art. Would Violetta in La traviata really be able to sing at a high level for a solid half hour while on her death bed with tuberculosis? Possibly not—but you accept it. Would two rival gangs of soccer hooligans really all be sentenced to the same prison and left unsupervised together for long stretches of time until one day the warden was forced to release one group of them and decided to settle the whole thing by making them play a do-or-die soccer match in the prison yard? Again, I’m not sure. But I can’t imagine how the filmmakers could have told this story if they were limited by an excessive respect for “reality” or “the intelligence of their audience.” I mean, based on the clues in the trailer, this prison is situated simultaneously in the Arizona desert and Wapping. Sometimes you just have to let your imagination soar.
Anyway, apparently this was released straight to video late last month. Has anyone seen it? The writer of the first film has publicly disowned it. But what does Elijah Wood think?
Read More: Columbus Crew, Swooning for Hooligans
by Brian Phillips · April 16, 2009
It’s unbelievable. Especially when the prison governor – played by Vernon Wells – upon being told to release some inmates due to ‘overcrowding’ decides to do so based not on the relatively easy method of checking sentence time or parole eligibility, but through the organisation of a no-holds-barred football tournament. The tournament is almost an exact replica of the inexplicably bad 1996 coin-op back street soccer ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_Street_Soccer ).
must. see. this. (also, I am floored by the brilliance of filing the post under “Columbus Crew”. Seriously.)
Have you seen Mean Machine? It actually IS The Longest Yard of soccer movies. With Vinnie Jones as the lead. Yep. Vinnie Jones.
Why not just show two hours of horrendous tackles? All the violence with none of the swiss cheese plot, hackneyed dialog or Stallone-level acting. (Unless the tackle-ee is Pretty Ronaldo …)
I really hope this movie is based in Arizona – the recidivism rate is so high that there is ample material for a perfectly plausible sequel. Its only a matter of time before Milwall gets caught up in the same vicious cycle of unemployment, substance abuse, and professional fouls
And Meth. Don’t forget the meth here.
(I’m in Phoenix, how about you?)
Oddly, the only two places I have seen this on sale have been in supermarkets.
“Just popping to the shops dear. Are we all right for milk?
“Yes, got two pints yesterday. While you are there though, could you pick up some shitty hooliporn?”
I could only watch half an hour of it then decided my time is worth better.
Just watched it online. The worst movie ever. The first was ruined by the worst cockney accent ever heard. This is ruined by the worst script, acting, and everything else in the history of the world.
Seriously I think its been filmed in LA. The extras all look like Mexican gang bangers. This looks like a long way from East London to me.
Save yourself 85minutes and take a massive shit instead.
yeah.. never cn it….but loving green street holigans1 never stop watching it
i would also love watch 2 but cant get my hands on them any info on how??
gone youll start seein kids gettin around like the gse n shit hahahaha…wats up with crips n bloods we live in austraila..
anyways give us a holla..xx
this just looks feckin gay!
Any idea when they are releasing this movie on DVD?
I am from Australia and cant find it anywhere.
DC
DC, your question presumes that this movie was ever released to theaters in the first place.
Yeah Brian along those lines.
Searched to see if released on DVD etc couldnt locate.
DVD is the only medium on which it was ever released. It was straight-to-video. It’s not good.
when you say it isnt good..u are talking about the movie compared to the original GSH
When I say it isn’t good, I am talking about the movie compared to a shark attack followed by several days of light crucifixion.
If you’re determined to inflict this thing on yourself, though, you can pre-order it in Australia here, and it looks like it will be out next month. Good luck.