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Steven Gerrard Heroically Arrested After Inspirational Bar Brawl

Steven Gerrard has been arrested after a bar fight in Southport late last night, according to news reports trickling in this morning. There are very few details at this point: the police were called around 2:30am after a man went to the hospital with facial injuries; Gerrard and five other people were held on suspicion of assault; Gerrard “spent the night at a police station and is still being questioned about the incident this morning.”

But I think we can safely assume that the fight was going badly for his side, that they were scattered, demoralized, and afraid…when suddenly, from out of nowhere, Gerrard reared up to break an aquarium over the head of their toughest opponent, dramatically turning the tide and inspiring his men to break other things on the heads of other people.

And I think we can safely assume that when he was questioned about his role in the brawl by the police, Gerrard sniffed once, hunched over the microphone, and quietly gave full credit to his teammates.

Anyway, a Liverpool spokesman has declared that the club will not be releasing a statement on the incident. We’ll see, Liverpool spokesman. We’ll see.

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Steven Gerrard Heroically Arrested After Inspirational Bar Brawl

by Brian Phillips · December 29, 2008

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