The Run of Play
Attacking Football

Steven Gerrard Heroically Arrested After Inspirational Bar Brawl

by Brian Phillips on December 29, 2008
Comments (12)

Steven Gerrard has been arrested after a bar fight in Southport late last night, according to news reports trickling in this morning. There are very few details at this point: the police were called around 2:30am after a man went to the hospital with facial injuries; Gerrard and five other people were held on suspicion of assault; Gerrard "spent the night at a police station and is still being questioned about the incident this morning."

But I think we can safely assume that the fight was going badly for his side, that they were scattered, demoralized, and afraid…when suddenly, from out of nowhere, Gerrard reared up to break an aquarium over the head of their toughest opponent, dramatically turning the tide and inspiring his men to break other things on the heads of other people.

And I think we can safely assume that when he was questioned about his role in the brawl by the police, Gerrard sniffed once, hunched over the microphone, and quietly gave full credit to his teammates.

Anyway, a Liverpool spokesman has declared that the club will not be releasing a statement on the incident. We'll see, Liverpool spokesman. We'll see.

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12 comments

  • The Sun has some new tawdry details, including pictures of what they claim are droplets of blood spattered on the barroom floor.

    The town centre premises remained shut today but evidence of a brawl inside could be seen through the windows.

    Spots of blood were clearly visible on the floor, and shards of broken glass.

    A Bentley car, which is believed to have been parked overnight, remained outside with a parking ticket attached.

    Later a man, who said he was a friend of Gerrard, later drove off in the car.

    Super editing on that last paragraph, Sun, incidentally. The grammatical correctness really underlines the newsworthiness. You didn't station a reporter and a photographer outside the deserted bar all day for no reason, I can see!

  • I'm glad that Bentley car remained out there all night, with parking ticket attached.

    Terrible copy has a certain quiet beauty.

  • Liverpool nightlife sites are the places to be today (as opposed to, for instance, actual Liverpool nightclubs). Fresh gossip from the "Southport Drinker":

    The Lounge is an ok place, somewhere for the nouvelle rich of Southport to dine and drink Moet before chilling out to local DJ talent – one if whom, a joker from Churchtown, was the alleged victim.

    The SD was not made welcome on a recent fact-finding trip.

    The bar attracts wannabe gangsters and Sunday-football hardmen, many of whom would love the kudos of having a pop at a star like Gerrard. His pals should have known better than to take him there.

    The DJ status of the victim (but not, however, the victim status of the DJ) is verified by the Independent. Take from that what you can.

  • Somewhere, Andy Gray is shaking his head at this whole thing, defiantly describing Gerrard as a lion of a man.

  • I'd like to imagine that Gerrard kicked a guy through the top corner of a plate-glass window.

  • I was out in Liverpool Town Centre last night and I saw Michael Shields with a free Steven Gerrard Tshirt

    :-D

  • Here's something strange. As far as I can tell, the internet has yet to produce a single joke about him diving to win the fight. Just goes to show that deep down, we all think Stevie could f*#% you up.

    I mean, can you imagine if this happened to Ronaldo?

  • [...] when it looked like Steven Gerrard might be released without being charged in the brawl that tragically left at least one nightclub DJ alive, the Liverpool skipper came through as he has [...]

  • [...] Steven Gerrard Heroically Arrested After Inspirational Bar Brawl [...]

  • News: Gerrard Latest, Glass was thrown by Gerrard….Inside tip…!

  • Are you saying he threw a glass darkly, David?

  • [...] happened instead, of course, was that Gerrard—charged with assaulting DJ Marcus McGee—appeared before the North Sefton Magistrates in Merseyside [...]

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