Steven Gerrard has been arrested after a bar fight in Southport late last night, according to news reports trickling in this morning. There are very few details at this point: the police were called around 2:30am after a man went to the hospital with facial injuries; Gerrard and five other people were held on suspicion of assault; Gerrard “spent the night at a police station and is still being questioned about the incident this morning.”
But I think we can safely assume that the fight was going badly for his side, that they were scattered, demoralized, and afraid…when suddenly, from out of nowhere, Gerrard reared up to break an aquarium over the head of their toughest opponent, dramatically turning the tide and inspiring his men to break other things on the heads of other people.
And I think we can safely assume that when he was questioned about his role in the brawl by the police, Gerrard sniffed once, hunched over the microphone, and quietly gave full credit to his teammates.
Anyway, a Liverpool spokesman has declared that the club will not be releasing a statement on the incident. We’ll see, Liverpool spokesman. We’ll see.
Read More: Annals of Crime, Liverpool, Steven Gerrard
by Brian Phillips · December 29, 2008
The Sun has some new tawdry details, including pictures of what they claim are droplets of blood spattered on the barroom floor.
Super editing on that last paragraph, Sun, incidentally. The grammatical correctness really underlines the newsworthiness. You didn’t station a reporter and a photographer outside the deserted bar all day for no reason, I can see!
I’m glad that Bentley car remained out there all night, with parking ticket attached.
Terrible copy has a certain quiet beauty.
Liverpool nightlife sites are the places to be today (as opposed to, for instance, actual Liverpool nightclubs). Fresh gossip from the “Southport Drinker“:
The DJ status of the victim (but not, however, the victim status of the DJ) is verified by the Independent. Take from that what you can.
Somewhere, Andy Gray is shaking his head at this whole thing, defiantly describing Gerrard as a lion of a man.
I’d like to imagine that Gerrard kicked a guy through the top corner of a plate-glass window.
I was out in Liverpool Town Centre last night and I saw Michael Shields with a free Steven Gerrard Tshirt
Here’s something strange. As far as I can tell, the internet has yet to produce a single joke about him diving to win the fight. Just goes to show that deep down, we all think Stevie could f*#% you up.
I mean, can you imagine if this happened to Ronaldo?
News: Gerrard Latest, Glass was thrown by Gerrard….Inside tip…!
Are you saying he threw a glass darkly, David?