We'll be on a holiday schedule for the next few days, meaning posts will occur infrequently, like moments of lucidity in the speech of Joe Kinnear. I'll try to keep in touch with any major developments in the Bracewell-Smith imbroglio and the occasional Pro Vercelli update, but otherwise I make no promises.
Check back before Christmas, though, for our Second Annual Run of Play Holiday Poem, which under no circumstances will be a reimagining of "A Night Before Christmas" as written by Alex Ferguson if he had somehow been reconsituted as a mediocre disciple of Philip Larkin. Because I just wouldn't do that to you, ever, for any reason.
December 24th, the house quiet,
myself sleeping, sleeping beside me my wife,
from the lawn it arose, a clatter of such proportions
that I sprang to the window and immediately regretted it,
for what was the use of it, what was the aim of all this fun,
if a fat man with red cheeks, smoking,
jiggling with laughter, could show up at 3 a.m.,
some harebrained practical joke, convulsive with jollity,
and strumble across my lawn, upending the aspidistera,
triumphantly leading eight confused-looking reindeer?
You'll hear about this in training tomorrow, Wayne Rooney,
I said to myself, closing the sash with a curse.
Go home, Wayne, I said. And got into bed with a sigh.
You see what I mean. It just wouldn't be right.
I would have laughed until eggnog came out of my nose, if I knew what eggnog actually was.
Hmmm, that sounds a bit ambiguous…what I mean to say is, I laughed. Does eggnog actually exist, or was it invented by a US TV scriptwriter?
I'm glad you asked that question. Let's all sit back and let Lauren Braun Costello teach us how to make eggnogg George Washington-style.
I would pay three hundred dollars for that tall glass of eggnog she pours for herself at the end.
(Pause)
These Romans are crazy.
Fred — Eggnog exists solely for the older relatives to have an excuse to go to bed early, and for teenagers to get drunk at boring family get togethers with parental approval. Avoid at all costs…
This will be my first and perhaps my only comment on this site, but I cannot allow dismissals of eggnog to stand. Fredorrarci, if you have never had eggnog, then this will be a Christmas to remember: find some and realize what you have been missing! And Richard, if you have never had good eggnog: please do the same! Ignore utterly the insipid yellowish liquid that is sold in cartons in the store, and mix up the properly creamy, spicy, frothy, egg-rich, rum-laden stuff yourself. Despite some European antecedents, eggnog could be called the Americas' signal contribution to the holiday pantheon that includes gluhwein, glogg, and of course smoking bishop. It is a worthy addition.
Mmm…smoking bishop…
If the opportunity arises, Siobhan, I'll certainly give it a go, after that enthusiastic pitch.
Discovering this site was like stumbling into a university where the professors are fond of making detours via the chemistry department just in case some "interesting" fumes waft through the vents. But with more football. Long may it continue.