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England Squad Decimated by Lethal Epidemic of Something That Definitely Does Exist

Posted By Brian Phillips On November 17, 2008 @ 4:13 pm In Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Following the wave of dire and not at all made-up injuries that’s befallen many of England’s biggest stars at the precisely the right moment to enable them to withdraw from Wednesday’s friendly against Germany without having to miss their last club match, Robbo Robson predicts the next round of last-minute cuts from the squad:

Theo Walcott (his dog’s poorly); Joleon Lescott (certified hopeless); Gabby Agbonlahor (cheese allergy); Gareth Barry (needs to take a jumper back to M and S cos his Mum bought him the wrong size); Jermain Defoe (he’s got a Pilates course Wednesday night) Ashley Young (eye test); David Bentley (brylcreem removal). . . .

Don’t forget Michael Carrick, who’s feeling really down about the Star Wars prequels, or Jimmy Bullard, who was overexposed to the credit default swap market.

Fortunately for Fabio Capello, while Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand, Wes Brown, Ashley Cole, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, and Emile Heskey may be out, Darren Anderton is 100% available.

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