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the wonder and terror of soccer.

We left the window open during a match in October 2007 and a strange wind blew into the room.

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We Sincerely Regret That We Very Nearly Killed You

Barnsley’s 25-year-old striker Iain Hume suffered a fractured skull and life-threatening internal bleeding after a rough challenge from Sheffield United’s Chris Morgan during the clubs’ derby match on Saturday. (This was a nasty, nasty game in which punches were thrown, players were dismissed, and coins were thrown from the stands.) Hume is still in the hospital, but he’s listed in stable condition, so with any luck this will go down as an averted tragedy. In any case, Sheffield United’s statement on the incident leaves something to be desired:

Sheffield United are saddened and concerned to hear that Barnsley striker Iain Hume is being monitored in a high dependency unit following last Saturday’s fixture, and we wish him a speedy and full recovery.

We are deeply concerned to hear that that little nick you sustained nearly rendered you lifeless, and we express our gravest condolences within the full bounds of responsibility-obscuring and blame-averting corporatese.

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We Sincerely Regret That We Very Nearly Killed You

by Brian Phillips · November 10, 2008

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