The new FIFA World Rankings are out, and I think they might be just what the world needs to take its mind off the fact that “money” is apparently no longer a good idea. Take America, for instance. Yesterday, this country was hurting. A man walking down the street wore the tight-mouthed, care-eaten look of someone who knows his homeland is objectively worse at soccer than the 27 nations ranked ahead of it. Today, everything has changed. Today that man knows that not only has his country leapt ahead of Ghana, it’s extremely close to Uruguay and not totally beyond the reach of Romania.
With a renewed spring in his step, he goes into the local college soda shop, orders up a frosty malted, and reads a wholesome Reader’s Digest until his eyes start bleeding.
Or take England. Yesterday, gloom had set in like a fog over the orphanages and clocktowers of London. Tiny, malnourished boys with ill-fitting top hats sneezed sadly from within the shaft of a chimney, thinking about Frank Lampard. Try as he might, neither that husky yeoman nor his contemporary Gerrard could find a way to take the country around Cameroon into the promised land of fourteenth place. But that was yesterday. Today, fourteenth place belongs to England, and all over the city, shy, retiring fathers who work murderous hours at the counting-house solely to keep abreast of the hated window tax are celebrating by furtively adding a tiny lump of coal to the fire they’re lighting in their clothes.
Read More: American Notes, England, FIFA
by Brian Phillips · October 8, 2008
I suppose it’s only natural when the world’s lingua franca (anachronistically named) happens to be your own, that your perspective would be Anglo-Yankocentric. But it might also do us some good in these times of whittled plenty to consider other, less fortunate lands. You mentioned Cameroon, for instance, or as they would say in their own lingua, Republique du Cameroun.
It may not have the size (18 million people) or the wealth ($2,400 GDP per capita) of the other footballing powers, but they certainly have the zeal. I won’t dwell on the money aspect much, but I would say the image of distended bellies and flies buzzing around eyes beats the pasty faces of Dickensian England any day. Even without exaggeration I think it’s fair to say that few can afford every new green, red, and yellow kit that comes along. But this is a football-proud nation. Roger Milla is no doubt like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Landon Donovan
, and Jesus Christ all wrapped in one. And last month’s away win against Cape Verde puts them that much closer to qualifying for what’s sure to be a continent-wide exercise in mass hysteria. So maybe a nod their way is in order. Fitting into the FIFA egg carton of the world’s very best is no small feat.
(I just reread this and realize it sounds a little too earnest. Truth is, I mostly only care about the U.S. and England myself.)
Steve, I take your point, and have written about Africa here, here, here, here, here, and here, among other places. In this post, I was trying to make fun of the FIFA world rankings by holding them up to some culturally stereotypical images of alienation and poverty. And I’m not nearly comfortable enough with African stereotypes of poverty to invoke them quasi-mockingly.
Oops, I hope I didn’t come across as a scold or, even worse, insensitive. I’ve only been a short-time reader, but I can tell much of what you say is in jest, with enough erudition to make it sound sort of serious. I suspect my own attempt in taking you to task failed to come across that way. I’ll cop to being hamfisted, but hope you understand I didn’t mean to offend.
No offense here, Steve. Just wanted to make it clear that I do venture outside the Anglosphere from time to time. I mean, tomorrow I might even write about Arsenal!
Hehe… Arsenal. You would be reaching wide there, Brian. It makes me wonder if all that Victoria Concordia Crescit nonsense they go off spouting attracts more Romance Language speakers. Then again, maybe all you get with Latin is dispassionate boffins and supporters who like secret decoder rings to draw themselves together.
micheal essien was nominated ,why?because he hasnt play any match this season