Transfer Gossip Poetry Grenade, Vol. II

Gareth Barry’s Disgruntled P.R. Rep Tells All

“When your name is a byword for bravery—
Here’s the thing—you can’t go crying ‘Slavery!’
Without putting the skids
On the love of the kids
At a club that thinks that stuff’s unsavoury.”

The Unvarnished Truth

Ronaldinho is bound for Reggina,
PSG, Nice, Raith, Fiorentina,
Dortmund, Derby, Brno,
Boca, SC Znojmo,
Sagan Tosu, Perth, Bath or Messina.

Gianni at 3 a.m., or, The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth in the West Midlands

I
In Amsterdam, true love’s a fiver thrown,
So pity, please, young Mr. Zuiverloon;
The boy’s now a Baggie,
So bagging a Maggie
Means magazine-shopping and driving home.

II
For him who does not care to thrive alone,
A conundrum that might make MacGyver groan
Is how to discover
The girl who’ll uncover
Without placing liens on poor Zuiverloon.

III
But fate has a gift for our Zuiverloon:
If his play makes the seasoned Five Livers moan,
He’ll be out of the bag
With a shiny new WAG
In less time than it takes him to buy the stone.