Portsmouth have beaten West Brom 1-0 to reach their first FA Cup final since 1939. I had planned to write a detailed match summary, but I think a minute-by-minute report might be a better way to relate the experience of watching football from a far-off country in this internet age…
10 minutes before the scheduled start time — [Fires up streaming software.]
5′ — Buffering 12 sec.
9′ — Buffering 23 sec.
14′ — Vague flickers of movement. The voices of the commentators jump up out of undifferentiated crowd noise, then drop back into it again, like a dolphin frolicking in the sea.
19′ — Albrechtsen takes a smack from Kanou as they compete for the ball in the air. Kanou twists and…amazingly freezes in place, apparently having stopped time with his mind.
23′ — The impressive Hoefkens cuts in from the right and slots the ball in towards Gera. Yeah, but I copied that from the Guardian MBM report, which I have turned to in frustration after spending the last three minutes watching Harry Redknapp do a credible impersonation of a strobe light.
37′ — The voices of the commentators briefly surface, then are sucked down into the roar of the crowd, like Ahab at the end of Moby-Dick.
42′ — I like your metaphor, Scott Murray of the Guardian, but you should know that if Harry Redknapp were a jazz musician, he’d be Tootie Heath.
44′ — [Watches Arsenal-Liverpool in frustration.]
Of course, Deadspin’s preview of the match includes a mention of “West Bromfield Albion,” so be grateful for what you have, I guess is what I’m saying.
Read More: American Notes, FA Cup, Portsmouth, The Occasional Match Summary
by Brian Phillips · April 5, 2008
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To be absolutely truthful, you didn’t miss a great deal. West Brom couldn’t capitalize on their first half domination or their last ten minutes of frenetic activity and ‘appy ‘arry and his band of B-list mercenaries are through to the final.
Booo.
So I’ve read, and hey, for a match that was foreordained to be a 1-1 draw between two not entirely committed sides, Arsenal-Liverpool wasn’t half bad.
And as disappointed as I am not to have a Barnsley-West Brom final, I think we all would have gasped in shock had we been told before the season started that it would be Portsmouth against Cardiff.
ORACLE: It’s going to be Portsmouth against Cardiff in the final.
US: Man Utd against Chelsea?
ORACLE: No, Portsmouth-Cardiff. Portsmouth-Cardiff.
US: Oh, I understand. It’s Man Utd versus Chelsea.
ORACLE: Ports…mouth. Car…diff.
US: Chel…sea?