Brilliant stepovers etc., more goals as a winger etc., unstoppable young etc., yards of etc., sensational etc., best player in the etc.
But there’s this: that he plays like the scent of aftershave. It’s the style of something decorative and supplemental that’s passed out of all subtlety and become the noticeable fact about the thing it was meant to decorate: all that tang and sweetness just dolloped and piled and swirled, like too much frosting on a cake.
And there’s this: that there’s a point at which an excess of testosterone seems to open onto a kind of vain and peacock effeminacy, an elaborately mustached, lace-cuffed and rosewater-handkerchiefed assassin’s or bully’s claim of privilege. With his doll’s face, looking in every match like his cat mother has only just licked him clean, and yet at the same time seeming to move in a cloud of pheromones, drunk on himself like a flower, he has the air of a French duelist without a scrap of wit, as though he’d been invented for the express purpose of being killed by Cyrano de Bergerac.
Everything he does is hard and elaborate, and everything he does looks hard and elaborate. His legs piston into the ground; his arms chop the air; his cheeks puff out and collapse; he does a shattering high-kick stepover slalom routine that earns a 9.7 from the Bulgarian judge and leaves his opponent somewhere in a dimly lit passport office, pleading for a different stamp. But it’s so high-octane. It’s reading “The 10 Steps to Finding True Love” in a Maxim magazine. It’s a thudding daintiness.
His most characteristic moment on the pitch is the one just before he takes a free kick, when, standing over the ball with his legs wide, hands splayed and trembling at his sides, he stares furiously at the ground in front of him, as though at any moment we’ll hear a thunderous THOOM!, and he’ll transform into the Incredible Hulk. Then he runs up to obliterate the ball and it spirals prettily into the net.
He’s astonished me, too, of course, at times. He’s effective like fifty megatons. Manchester United have been a joy to watch for two seasons, and he’s no small part of that. You can’t stop him short of lying in the mud and waiting for Ford Prefect. He works extremely hard, I think, and cares all the way down in himself about the result of every match.
Too often for my taste, though, he seems like the movie-preview version of a football player, all cars sliding down a mountain and the Eiffel Tower blowing up. It’s exciting to watch. I’d love to see the movie. I just miss the dialogue so much.
Read More: Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United, Portraits
by Brian Phillips · January 22, 2008
Love him or loathe him, his insane mixture of brute athleticism and flair-filled touch epitomises football today. He is, both tragically and brilliantly, the future of football. He is what the game now demands for it to avoid absolute defensive tedium.
Take away a couple of yards of his pace and more than half his game is gone, a la Henry.
“he has the air of a French duelist without a scrap of wit” chuckle chuckle. I had that very thought myself the other day. I wish.
I would also add that during a game he has an uncanny awareness of when he is on television (in close up, of course).
He’s the sort of player I hate, and yet for some reason, even despite the United thing, I cannot bring myself to do so. It’s to do with how much he care caring I think — as you say, pretty, diving, and posing, yes, but he would rip off his own (pretty) arm without a second thought and beat you with it if it meant three points.
Beautifully crafted, as always, Brian. Two points.
Lionel Messi is the future of football.
The best thing that could happen to Cristiano Ronaldo would be for him to tell the Man Utd marketing machine and his own corporate paymasters to stuff their hype and concentrate on what he does on the field. Giving up his glamour calendar revenues for a large dollop of self-respect should be an easy trade to make, even for one apparently challenged in his choice of sex partners.
My impression is that none of that is being forced on him from the outside, though, ursus. At heart, I think Ronaldo’s still a poor, not-very-well-educated (when Mourinho’s right, he’s right) kid who can’t believe all he has, be it money, fame, or attention; he’s got a long way to go personally before he’ll be ready to tell anyone else off. (He’s getting there, I think, but it’ll take a while.)
I think Messi’s a better player than Ronaldo, and always will be, but that’s not what I meant by the ‘future of football’, ursus.
I know that.
But I’m more hopeful than you, at least in this particular case.
Me too. I think there is a certain revival of and reassessment of the merits of attacking football in some quarters.
There are some fantastically gifted footballers in world today, some of whom are playing under the right managers. Quite a few clubs and coaches at the highest levels are basing their approach this way. There are some fantastically gifted footballers in world today, some of whom are playing under the right managers.
As it should be really. Football is beyond anything else, an entertainment. It should be fun and audiences must demand that it should be too. We might then see the commercial interest of clubs be catalyst for further development in this area.
Perhaps a new law from Fifa is in order to help things along. Require with the threat of censure and fines, the ‘big four’ in every league to field a minimum of 4 forwards plus any other 2 midfielders in every game.
They have the dough to acquire big, talented squads, now let’s make them put their money where their mouths are.
Messi is a great little player 5 feet 5 inches and is one footedand his aerial game is non existent. Mr. mourinho has aspirations to be the national coach of Portugal,he better stop his attacks on Cristiano Ronaldo. he is putting himself in a situation where the Portuguese federation will have to choose between him and Cristiano and thats a no brainer Cristiano wins.
It’s a quality of vision, I think, that I find lacking in Ronaldo, and Messi makes a great comparison because I think he has it. A defender comes to challenge Ronaldo: Ronaldo turns into a technically amazing whirl of moving parts, and does everything short of transforming into Starscream to get past him. When a defender comes to challenge Messi, a lot of the time, Messi will just calmly put the ball in the one place that means he can reach it more easily than the defender. I don’t know which of them is better—frankly, I’m just glad they’re both around—but Messi’s style appeals to me much more. At the moment, anyway, I think he has the ability to do the simple thing that works because it’s unexpected, where Ronaldo has the ability to do the expected thing with a high degree of complexity.
I agree, though, Martha, about Ronaldo’s commitment to the game, and it’s what just about saves him for me, or at least lets me hope for his future. There are times when all that cheap swagger and machismo seems almost like a sign of innocence—like he’s a kid trying to figure out how to be a man, and putting too much work into it, and overdoing it a bit just like he does with the stepovers.
There are quite a few I would put ahead of C Ronaldo in my list of best players in the world.
Messi is one, Requilme and of course, Kaka, are two others.
Is Ronaldo anything more than Robinho with more extensive European experience?
Ronaldo has the better finishing and better shot but IMO Robinho has the better looking tricks.
does everything short of transforming into Starscream to get past him.
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That is a brilliant comment and it’s taken me 2 minutes to stop stifling my intermittent bursts of laughter every time I envision it.
You can’t compare Messi and Ronaldo at all. If there’s anything they have in common would probably be their speed. That’s it, their style of play are completely contrary to one another.
Ronaldo – a dribble master, incredibly unpredictable and has such an array of skills that IF he passes the ball … is only because he can’t fly with it.
Though this to some make him the best… this could very well be his downfall. Football is a team sport where passing and team chemistry will always supercede skill.
Messi-Handles the ball so well at such a fast pace with such smoothness, almost like if spreading butter on a bread with no trace of the knife that did so. Incredible pace change, his stop and go’s are the epitome of his style. Messi accelerates with such ease after a complete stop it almost seems like a glitch more than an intentional move.
His unselfishness in playing is what i think makes him 10 times the player than Ronaldo, simply because he passes the ball more allowing THE TEAM to move up the field and spreading the defenses and slicing right through after handing of a pass. His chemistry with his teammates is more noticeable than the great wall of China on a satellite view of the Earth. In a nutshell Messi is simply . . . the best.
Giovanni Dos Santos is the best…not Messi, not Cristiano, not anybody!!!
@Dustin In 100% agreement!
The metaphor is perhaps helped that Ronaldo is a natural Decepticon.
i love cristiano ronaldo, and he probably always will be amazing, and have all of the tecniqes, and all that is included to be the best footballer out there.cristiano has it all. he is amazing at dribbling, his stratagies are just outstanding, and all in all, cristiano ronaldo is the best footballer in history! but he does have his work cut out for him, because theres always someone better, but not for him. he just has to keep going and stay up at number 1 and always do his best!